Chapter 0

Quotes
Kids want parents who are far less anxious and far more level headed than they are. Your kids want you to remain unflappable, even when they flip out.

Parents everywhere are facing the toughest challenge of their lives, trying to create a loving family environment filled with mutual respect and co-operation. They’re trying to do this in a culture that celebrates irresponsibility and self-indulgence. It’s no wonder parents feel more anxious than ever before. They feel overwhelmed and underappreciated.

We have been bombarded with the call to sacrifice ourselves for the sake of our kids. Focus all of our attention on what our kids need and learn to always be there for them. We’ve heard all of this and more, and it’s not helping. This call for total self sacrifice is actually hurting. Leaving parents feeling more overwhelmed more frustrated and less capable.

In a rash reaction to the, “children should be seen and not heard” formula that many of our parents have grown up with, we’ve gone to another extreme, the “our lives revolve around our children” formula.

All parents do experience to various levels or degrees a universal struggle, we all feel incredibly anxious about our kids and their choices. We fret and worry about how our kids will turn out. We don’t realize when this anxiety takes over, and we get reactive.

It’s called ScreamFree because screaming is the most popular reaction. But there are other reactions, such as disconnecting ourselves from the situation, or beginning to overcompensate. Ever pick up after your kids because you’re so tired of battling them about it? Some of us just give up and keep giving in. All of these reactions are just different ways of screaming. They are all just as ineffective in creating the type of relationships we crave with our children.

Envision yourself in a non-reactive yet fully connected relationship with each of your children. That’s the catch, remaining both calm and connected. Many parents can remain calm by disengaging from the relationship. Other parents stay fully engaged only to let their anxiety drive the relationship.

ScreamFree parenting teaches you to calm your own anxiety first, enabling you to remain fully connected and involved. This creates a revolutionary relationship with each of your kids and your family, a relationship where your position is that of an inspiring influence. Your leadership role is that of a calming authority.

You can start practicing the principals that will bring about new patterns of connection and co-operation.

It all begins with one fundamental shift. Parenting is not about children. It’s about parents.

Thoughts
Isaiah is an awesome little boy. He’s energetic and observant and funny. He makes me laugh so wholeheartedly and has the ability to make a whole room smile inwardly despite themselves and their current life situation. But he’s also a normal three year old. He gets frustrated easily when things don’t go his way. In certain situations he can get so angry and upset or sad.
Ethan is the epitome of sweet. His little face carries all his emotions. He runs with his eyes closed because I imagine it’s a funner experience for him. He babbles and tries to communicate with words only he understands. But he does know some words and it is too beautiful to describe when he asks for “uppie” or “joos”. And when you ask him, “What do you say?” He proudly proclaims, “PEEEESS!!”
When Isaiah interacts with Ethan I’ve noticed a few things. He gets mad at him so quickly and easily. I didn’t like how he was treating Ethan and it occurred to me that that was how I treat him. If he doesn’t do something I like, I’ve raised my voice, I’ve grabbed him and in a very stern face and tone I’ve told him what I’ve wanted him to do or not do. So when he was interacting with Ethan, he was doing the same. Same voice, same face.

Hmmmmm…. Monkey see, monkey do.

This monkey needs to figure out a healthy way to be a positive influence that I’m comfortable with.

I came across the audio book, ScreamFree Parenting at the library. The author did a really good job with his language and reasoning and purpose. He really was speaking the language of my parental heart and his explanations made sense to me.